It was difficult to read because of the semi-blurred words but nonetheless, it was a concise piece of writing!
I'd love to see more "show" rather than tell. Perhaps you could include specific examples/achievements (like Interact) to 'show' how it impacted your role as a team player? Just my 2 cents.
lol. k i tried to make the link to the enlarged image stand out more. guys, please see it or you're gonna be straining your eyes!!!!
anyway, thanks for the feedback doll. didn't think it was very ocncise but i couldn't bear to leave any line out. and yeah i agree with you and i get what you mean. i will definitely aim to do that when i have more recent achievements. like IA next sem or fyp. it's just that i don't have anything impressive to draw on right now. drawing on jc stuff might show how inactive i am in uni (lol no need to emphasise that). hence yeah. thanks girl.
I love how you skillfully incorporated praises for the company as well as effectively promoting yourself to the employer. The letter not only shows your understanding but showed that you have done a brief research on the company and is equipped with knowledge of the company's achievements. I think this is important of a speculative letter (it is right?) because you are convincing the company to hire you although they are not in lack of staff at the moment. Give yourself a pat on the back!
I'm just not too sure about a particular sentence which starts with "A good team player .. ... " Maybe you might want to rephrase the sentence a little? :)
thank you for your feedback jacq. actually i think you're right. the more i read that sentence, the more i feel it sounds awkward. lol. i'll do something about it. thanks!
I like your application letter because: 1) The opening paragraph really leaves an impression. 2) Your application letter has a lot of reference to the company. This shows that you're really sincere in joining the company.
Hi Ariele, I have learnt that an application letter would look more interesting if we could aptly praise the company while talking about our qualifications too. Thanks for that point Ariele. I am definitely gonna see if I can add that in into my application letter:) However I feel that you could have also added more qualities about yourself. You seem so humble dear:)
thank you for your feedback loshini. actually i'm not humble..i really have not much to boast about lol. so i decided to promote soft skills that I hoped the reader would be appealed by. definitely i would add in more show than tell (as kristyn has also wisely brought up) when i have more to show, lol. hopefully i will have an internship next year and then industrial attachment in sem 6, FYP in sem 8 to talk about in my resume/app letter one day. thanks for your feedback loshini. i completely agree with you and will work towards it as i participate in more activities during my term in NUS.
Hey Mate! Well done!
ReplyDeleteIt was difficult to read because of the semi-blurred words but nonetheless, it was a concise piece of writing!
I'd love to see more "show" rather than tell. Perhaps you could include specific examples/achievements (like Interact) to 'show' how it impacted your role as a team player? Just my 2 cents.
See you tmr dear!
lol. k i tried to make the link to the enlarged image stand out more. guys, please see it or you're gonna be straining your eyes!!!!
Deleteanyway, thanks for the feedback doll. didn't think it was very ocncise but i couldn't bear to leave any line out. and yeah i agree with you and i get what you mean. i will definitely aim to do that when i have more recent achievements. like IA next sem or fyp. it's just that i don't have anything impressive to draw on right now. drawing on jc stuff might show how inactive i am in uni (lol no need to emphasise that). hence yeah. thanks girl.
Well Done Ariele! :)
ReplyDeleteI love how you skillfully incorporated praises for the company as well as effectively promoting yourself to the employer. The letter not only shows your understanding but showed that you have done a brief research on the company and is equipped with knowledge of the company's achievements. I think this is important of a speculative letter (it is right?) because you are convincing the company to hire you although they are not in lack of staff at the moment. Give yourself a pat on the back!
I'm just not too sure about a particular sentence which starts with "A good team player .. ... " Maybe you might want to rephrase the sentence a little? :)
Good work Ariele! See you tmr!
thank you for your feedback jacq. actually i think you're right. the more i read that sentence, the more i feel it sounds awkward. lol. i'll do something about it. thanks!
DeleteHi Ariele!
ReplyDeleteI like your application letter because:
1) The opening paragraph really leaves an impression.
2) Your application letter has a lot of reference to the company. This shows that you're really sincere in joining the company.
Good job, Ariele! (:
thank you gladys! i appreciate your positive feedback. thanks for your comment!
DeleteHi Ariele, I have learnt that an application letter would look more interesting if we could aptly praise the company while talking about our qualifications too. Thanks for that point Ariele. I am definitely gonna see if I can add that in into my application letter:) However I feel that you could have also added more qualities about yourself. You seem so humble dear:)
ReplyDeletethank you for your feedback loshini. actually i'm not humble..i really have not much to boast about lol. so i decided to promote soft skills that I hoped the reader would be appealed by. definitely i would add in more show than tell (as kristyn has also wisely brought up) when i have more to show, lol. hopefully i will have an internship next year and then industrial attachment in sem 6, FYP in sem 8 to talk about in my resume/app letter one day. thanks for your feedback loshini. i completely agree with you and will work towards it as i participate in more activities during my term in NUS.
Delete