You and Gerald have known each other since you were neighbours 20 years ago and your friendship is fortified by bonds forged between your families since. Over time, you have come to see Gerald as an older brother. He has always been there for you. Whether it was queries about schoolwork or relationship advice, Gerald was always a reliable lifeline. As a young adult fresh out of college, when you had expressed interest in joining the well-acclaimed multinational corporation that Gerald worked at, Gerald spent days preparing you for interviews, imparting his experiences with you and even put in a good word for you with his manager.
With your impressive academic records, a laudable resume and Gerald's help, you managed to clinch the job and have since proven yourself to be an asset to the company. In fact, within the first 3 years of entering the company, your hard work saw you receive 2 promotions and placed you in a leadership position. Gerald, on the other hand, has always had a very low-gear work ethic and remains stagnant at his entry-level position, making him your subordinate. Thankfully your friendship transcends your workplace hierarchy and you continue to maintain a healthy relationship.
However, one day, your department head informs you that the company is not doing well and will have to let some employees go. He tasks you with writing work performance reports on the employees working under your management to help him decide who to sack from your department.
Although it pains you to do so, you do as told, which leads to some of your colleagues being fired, including Gerald. Gerald learns of your role in his retrenchment and is devastated by what he feels is a 'betrayal'. A cold war between the two of you ensues and the rift extends to your families.
Gerald is a very dear friend to you and the current situation between the two of you deeply upsets you. How can you possibly repair your friendship?
With your impressive academic records, a laudable resume and Gerald's help, you managed to clinch the job and have since proven yourself to be an asset to the company. In fact, within the first 3 years of entering the company, your hard work saw you receive 2 promotions and placed you in a leadership position. Gerald, on the other hand, has always had a very low-gear work ethic and remains stagnant at his entry-level position, making him your subordinate. Thankfully your friendship transcends your workplace hierarchy and you continue to maintain a healthy relationship.
However, one day, your department head informs you that the company is not doing well and will have to let some employees go. He tasks you with writing work performance reports on the employees working under your management to help him decide who to sack from your department.
Although it pains you to do so, you do as told, which leads to some of your colleagues being fired, including Gerald. Gerald learns of your role in his retrenchment and is devastated by what he feels is a 'betrayal'. A cold war between the two of you ensues and the rift extends to your families.
Gerald is a very dear friend to you and the current situation between the two of you deeply upsets you. How can you possibly repair your friendship?
Hi Ariele:) This is a great hypothetical story.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, I would ask Gerald to put himself in my shoes. I would ask him what he would do if he was in my position. And this would stimulate him to think about the fact that I would have been fired and been looked down upon if I had not fired Gerald just because he is my friend.
If he is a friend who regards my happiness above his, he would definitely understand the situation and let time tide things over. But if he insists that I had 'betrayed' him then I would just have to think that this was not a very worthwhile friendship.
If I really wanted him to stick by my side, I would tell him how much I need him to be part of my life and how much I appreciate him for the help he had rendered me all these years.
Good friends will never really leave us will they Ariele?
i'm glad you enjoyed the story, Loshini! i agree good friends should never really leave us but sometimes situations like these can present stumbling blocks to the friendship that we might not necessarily be able to bounce back from.
Deletethere are a lot of hurdles to getting this friendship back to the way it was. for example, it is evident you feel gerald was inferior and undeserving of his occupation. it's difficult to become friends again with someone who has revealed (especially when you hear it from another source) that they have harboured negative thoughts about you, don't you think? and on your part, perhaps you might feel guilty for putting him down like that. there will inevitably be at least some awkwardness. little things like that can continue to destabilize the relationship long after the main incident has passed.
i do think that the understanding has to be more mutual.getting fired often lands one in a very depressing state. keep in mind the stress and disappointment that one feels, not to mention the fact that these strains are not localized at gerald himself, but his entire family as well.
so i think it's completely understandable that you would be the last person he would want to be around him in the immediate aftermath. i wouldn't hold him accountable for saying i betrayed him. he's probably not in the right state of mind to hear an explanation. i don't think he needs to be told that he had it coming. so rather than appeal to him to be sensitive to you, i think it'd be better to be sensitive of his feelings first and try to be there for him through this difficult time. for example you can trying to help him source for a new job.
but i think you brought up an important point about the healing power of time. i would give him a time-out and probably wait for the opportune time to explain yourself. i think it would also be helpful to your friendship if you let him know that it was a hard decision for you to make.
sorry my comment is really long! and thank you for taking the time to read my post and the offer your feedback, Loshini!
Hey mate, firstly, I hope this never happens to you, or anyone per se. Well, if it does, the most you could do is to explain things clearly to G, and hope for the best reaction from him. I believe conflicts are a two-sided affair, it takes more than just one party to make a r/s work. So, as long as you're honest with yourself, and with him, there shoudn't be any regrets. So, if he still decides to maintain his position, then the problem won't really be with you. So All the Best! (for the future, haha)
ReplyDeletehey doll. yeah i really hope this doesn't happen to me (whichever side of the fence). i agree completely with what you've said. both sides must work together to rebuild the friendship. the best you can do is be honest and explain your side in acknowledgement of how he must be feeling. thanks for the feedback girl!
DeleteHi Ariele!
ReplyDeleteThis is a tough nut to crack.
There is nothing I can do if Gerald does not realize that he is the laid-back one who is responsible for his current state. It will be against my own working ethics if I did not sack him and sack someone who is more hardworking than him instead.
However, I feel that I should take some responsibility for not informing Gerald that he needs to improve on his working attitude during the 3 years in the company. This might not have happened if he heeds my advice and change during the 3 years.
Perhaps, using my current managerial position and relationship with other companies to get him another job would resolve this conflict.
Deletei'm glad you found my scenario a tough nut to crack lol. i had hoped it would be one. i agree that he needs to realize that your firing him was not personal and that he deserved it. that said, you can't possibly say it explicitly because you have to be sensitive towards his current traumatic situation. so the best you can do is explain from your perspective that you were just doing your job and being impartial.
Deleteand i think it's good that you can take some ownership of his retrenchment. yes, it is his poor work ethic that got him fired, but perhaps he could have corrected himself if you had been more honest with him, as you would with any other employee working under you.
the fact that you haven't said anything in all these years may be a reason why gerald feels betrayed. so in this sense, you do owe him an apology. and an apology is always a good way to start the process of resolving a conflict.
and i agree with your solution. that is what i had in mind as well!
thank you for reading my post and for your feedback, Jian Min!
Hi Ariele
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you posted this story! I think one of the toughest problems we can face would be when our heart and minds come into conflict (Oy did that sound cheesy or what. I blame it on the fact that it's 4.51am and I just woke up. Forgive me Ariele.) But when we need to choose between being a good friend or being a good employer, things can truly get complicated.
That being said, if Gerald is truly a good friend who was willing to help you out all these years, perhaps what you can do is to return the favor and help him out, not by keeping him employed, but by improving his skills as an employee. He may not feel motivated, but perhaps there's a good explanation for that. Many times, the lack of motivation can be attributed to frustration. Perhaps he is 'coasting' through because he has tried to improve himself before, but failed.
Thank you for a stimulating post Ariele!
Tanisha
my gosh i can't believe you're up at such a godforsaken hour. i'm just going to bed only now lol. will reply everybody's comments soon enough!
Deletehey tanisha! i'm glad you're glad i posted this story lol. your 'cheesy' statement is actually spot on. that's exactly what i was trying to simulate in this post. for the interpersonal scenarios we practised in class, there is quite a clear-cut solution because the right thing to do recommends itself unto us. i wanted to design a situation that was more complicated, where the right thing to do was not as intuitive.
Deleteif i had the words to splurge on, i would have wanted to build a more heartwrenching story. e.g. how if his poor work ethic is due to family problems or a family member falling terminally ill. you are forced to choose between the right thing to do as a friend with inside information on your friend's plight and how much he needs his job and the right thing to do as an employee taking orders from the department head. destroying a friendship over professional duties is a very difficult conflict to resolve.
so anyway, that was my thought behind the post lol. back to your comment. i agree with you that you ought to do your part as a friend and try to help him out. and i like that you bothered to want to know the underlying issues to his poor work ethic. you're right but i also feel you can't be too nice to him. you need to find a gentle way for him to realise that he deserved being fired and it was not personal or else he might land himself in the same situation in another workplace.
thank you for your feedback tanisha!
I agree with the other commentators, Ariele: This is a well-told story, with a compelling twist at the end! You do the routine on the 7Cs, and at the same time present a scenario that rings both true and astounding. Incredibly, I know of a situation much like the one you have described.
ReplyDeleteKudos to you for this, for initiating so much discussion amongst your peers, and for the follow up comments. Excellent effort!
thanks for the nice feedback, brad! sometimes i wonder if i get a little too longwinded so it's good to know you think i'm still following the 7Cs haha. anyway. i'm glad you were able to relate to my story as well.
DeleteHi Ariel!
ReplyDeleteThis is an excellent post! I love how your story is well crafted. This situation will definitely put most people into a dilemma (at least those with a conscience!) I sincerely hope this won't happen to all of us. Ultimately, the deed has to be done however the method of which it is done will make a big difference to the outcome of their friendship.
If I were to be in the situation, I'll ask Gerald out for coffee. I believe that honesty is the best policy (it may sound cheesy but it's true!). I will explain the situation to Gerald and hope that he would be able to stand in my shoes and understand that it is not a personal decision to have him fired. Afterall, I'm under the command of higher management as well!
Although, it is due to Gerald's lack of diligence at work which resulted in his retrenchment, it would be too blunt of me to tell him that straight in the face. Instead, I'll approach the subject matter by telling him the reality. Firstly, he needs to know that the company isn't doing well and I've been told to do a performance report of the staff based the results each individual has shown. Unfortunately, he hasn't done as well as some of the other staffs and although it pains me to write a report which will reflect negatively on him, I have to do it because he's not doing well on paper.
I believe that the many years of friendship we have will encourage him to think in my shoes and understand my difficulties. Afterall, I'll do the same thing to anyone, even my kin, because it's a business decision.
However, if he is still fuming mad about the whole issue, I'll let him cool down for some time before trying to talk to him again. I believe if I were to make the effort to maintain the friendship, it will eventually work. :)
Omg, I'm unbelievably long-winded! Sorry bout that Ariel! :D Happy Valentine's Day!
Deletethank you for your long comment jacq!i find myself agreeing with everything you brought up. you were very thoughtful to consider even the context in which to meet up. you're right. honesty is the best thing to serve but it must be served at the right time. and i think it's great that you try to bring him one step back and consider the other employees that are deserving of their jobs. all in all, quite an airtight answer to my question. i appreciate the feedback! happy v-day to you too jacq!
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